Sunday, August 30, 2009

you win scale.

Dear Cheap $20 Walmart bathroom scale,

I have come to you so many times begging for your approval, your compliments, your graces and your powers to give me hope and comfort, I have sought identity from you hoping to find the beautiful slim girl you showed to me 3 years ago. I have come to you through the ups and down looking for direction, but alas, you continue to fail me.
So I concede defeat. You win, you cheap $20 Walmart bathroom scale. If I were less of a woman I would be calling you a cheap whore right about now, but we both know that is not true. You were a worthy competitor, and to be fair, you were kinder to me than your cousins at the doctors office. You have stood your ground through many diets, "cycles", holidays, hours logged on the treadmill, elliptical, countless amounts of sit-ups and push-ups. But I give up, you win, you win, you win.
I'd like to say you won the battle not the war, but I am somewhat of a pacifist and I no longer wish to engage in either.
Maybe at some future date when my jeans concede victory to me, (and they are easier to concur if I do not wash them) we will meet again. But until then, congratulations on a monumental victory.
Contemptuously yours,


Maggie said...

i heart you so much for this post. damn the inanimate objects in our lives that best us time and time again. may i offer a suggestion that you take the assessment of those who can see you (and know you look great) over your 20$ plastic nemesis? what a clever post though. kudos hill.

Mark and Karen said...

I smell defeat. :-(

Seriously though, you have always looked so great.

Becky said...

I think you'll need to add a weekly written article to your podcast career. You make me laugh!

Boop said...

While I am sorry about your defeat, you cracked me up! Would it help if I hated you because you are beautiful?

Shannon said...

Totally laughed. Noticed the post date, Aug 30, my birthday. How apropos for me.